


proving to each other that romance is 8oring

by roachpatrol



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, Pale Romance, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-24
Updated: 2011-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roachpatrol/pseuds/roachpatrol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AG: Jeeeeeeeez, Dave, I just wanted to say hello! What's got my favorite coolkid so h8ed up all of a sudden?<br/>TG: oh nothing much we only literally just got done talking and and decided it would be just gr8 if you canned it for a while while I grieved over some brutally murdered rad family members thats all</p>
            </blockquote>





	proving to each other that romance is 8oring

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a homesmut crack challenge: _Dave/Vriska, make it work, somehow._
> 
>  _  
> We are two ships that pass in the night  
>  You and I, we are nothing alike  
> I am a pleasure cruise, you are gone out to trawl  
> Return less nets, nothing at all_
> 
>  _\--'Romance Is Boring'_ , Los Campesinos

  
  
AG: Dave!!!!!!!!    
TG: oh my fucking god    
AG: Yes, that's defin8tly me :::;)    
TG: would you stop doing that already serket    
TG: it stopped being funny fucking ages ago okay the last time it was funny we were a bunch of monkeys sitting around on the savanna picking bugs out of our asscracks and wishing someone would invent fire so we could burn out our eyeballs and never have to talk to shifty blue skyfairies again    
AG: Jeeeeeeeez, Dave, I just wanted to say hello! What's got my favorite coolkid so h8ed up all of a sudden?    
TG: oh nothing much we only literally just got done talking and and decided it would be just gr8 if you canned it for a while while I grieved over some brutally murdered rad family members thats all    
AG: Oh shit, is that what's happening now?    
TG: now  
TG: what  
TG: oh come on you're going nonlinear on me again  
TG: just taking the shimmering silver clusterfuck of our timeweb mutuality and pitching it into the dustbin of total fucking nonsense now is that whats going on  
TG: now of all fucking times thanks a lot serket    
AG: Well sorrrrrrrry it hasn't 8een that much fun over here either, I've 8een kind of 8usy with my own problems! I can't 8e waiting prong and fucking nu8 on your delic8 human emotional 8r8kdowns all the time!    
TG: who said i was having an emotional breakdown that is a downright lie    
AG: You did just now!  
AG: You said you were grieving!!!!!!!!    
TG: no i said we agreed youd leave me alone to grieve  
TG: not that grieving was a thing that was i was necessarily going to be doing  
TG: and now not even the part where you leave me the hell alone is being done  
TG: oh whoops i mean 8eing  
TG: there i just tickled your creepy octofetish alien joygland  
TG: goosed you up real good and got you all hot and 8othered oh whoops did it again im a whole factory of shitty spider paraphernalia spinning out gooey magic for the express consumption of pubescent alien freakazoids  
TG: you can just go off and touch yourself to that little nugget of delight and leave me to stoically not flip one fraction of the fuck out over the senselessly butchered corpse of my 8ro  
TG: i mean  
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck you serket  
TG: fuck you and fuck your stupid 8s and fuck off and leave me the fuck alone    
AG: It's okay to be sad, Dave.    
TG: i'm not  
TG: im mad  
TG: thats not a crime  
TG: im mad and im gonna get even  
TG: that's like the opposite of a crime thats pretty much just justice    
AG: Sometimes when you love people and you lose them you do stup8 things.  
AG: And sometimes those th8ngs are crimes, Dave, no matter how you feel about y8urself when y8u do them!  
AG: And when y8u do crimes y8u cant ever take th8m 8ack no m8r how h8rd y8u try 8nd try 8nd  
AG: And I mean  
AG: You're a good guy Dave, you're a hero!    
TG: what no  
TG: im not a hero  
TG: my bro was a hero  
TG: johns a hero  
TG: im just a kid with a shitty sword and a bad case of the murdered family members going on here and i want some fucking justice is that too much to ask for    
AG: Yes!!!!!!!!  
AG: I mean no!!!!!!!!  
AG: No justice isnt too much to ask for 8ut yes you are totally a hero!  
AG: You're strong and you're 8r8ve and you fight for what's right instead of spending your whole life asleep w8ting for other people to come along and carry you. And the thing about justice is it's not a simple thing at all it's one of the most complic8ed things that there is to accomplish, okay?  
AG: And if you just start doing things just 8ecause you're mad you won't be good anymore, or at least certainly not for very long, I 8et! 8ecause first you do little things cause you're mad and then you do really 8ig awful things and it never helps 8ecause then you're just mad at yourself and there's nothing you can do about 8eing yourself 8ut try to 8e a different self and that is way harder than just not 8eing 8ad in the first pl8ce.    
TG: but    
AG: SHUT UP D8VE I AM TALKING H8RE!!!!!!!!    
TG: christ  
TG: fine    
AG: It took me a long time to figure that out 8ut I totally have and now I am defin8ly telling you to calm down and don't do anything you'll regret!    
TG: okay so  
TG: why dont you tell me what there is to do  
TG: my bro is dead  
TG: how the fuck should i just let jack go and get away with that  
TG: i am absolutely fucking agog to hear why i shouldn't go snap this sword out of my brother's mangled corpseflesh and go open up some strider brand ventilation in that jackasses own personal torso    
AG: You can't!    
TG: because?    
AG: 8ecause I'm going to 8e the one who kills him.    
TG: what    
AG: Your task is just as important though! You have to deliver the 8omb to the Green Sun, and you know it!    
TG: but thats total lamesauce  
TG: lamesauce with a side order of oh hell to the no fries  
TG: you get to have a justice showdown and im off playing space delivery boy beep beep here comes the package not even a sexy package like porno sausage pizza but just some fucking pleasantville bullshit in a brown paper package  
TG: no ones getting laid because its the fifties and we all sleep in separate beds  
TG: that's how cripplingly dull this package is and you want me to go waste my time delivering it to yawntown when i could be delivering a piping hot blade full of fuck you to our primo number one enemy of the fucking state  
TG: come on now serket    
AG: Well that's just how it is! I told you a million times, Jack is already here!!!!!!!! You can't kill him on your side 8ecause he's over on this side!    
TG: no  
TG: no i cant believe that  
TG: i wont  
TG: theres got to be a way  
TG: im gonna get this sword and bust a big ol phallic cap in his ass    
AG: No you're not, Dave. You're going to fuck around like a wriggler and then agree that I am right a8out everything.    
TG: fuck you spiderbitch  
TG: check it  
TG: i figure if i pull it out vertically ill just get blood everywhere    
AG: 8ut there's already 8lood everywhere!    
TG: yes let me reiterate how hard you can go fuck yourself serket  
TG: if i snap it horizontally itll be a clean br8k  
TG: i mean  
TG: just watch me go okay    
AG: Dave ::::(  
AG: Get up Dave    
TG: no fuck that  
TG: im just gonna lie right here and look slightly less cool than I ordinarily make myself out to be    
AG: Well, at least you performed the most stunningly acro8atic flip off the handle, right?  
AG: Only the coolest of kids can go down with such style!    
TG: thats pretty much what i just did isnt it  
TG: see the thing i am doing here is definitely going about making every little stupid joke that was once mentioned happen in the most staggeringly dumb way possible  
TG: thats how adventures get strung together basically out of just this one long farcical string of pointless nonsense where you look like an asshole married a dipshit and spawned your sorry carcass to be the butt of the universes most retarded japeries    
AG: My adventure wasn't!    
TG: dude werent you partnered up with klutzy mchornographic for some godawful reason  
TG: you cant tell me that wasn’t a massively embarrassing shitparade    
AG: Fair point.    
TG: you havent even heard me bleat like a goat  
TG: bet youre on the edge of your seat for that one  
TG: will he or wont he  
TG: no one knows    
AG: Well, are you?    
TG: for you baby id bleat all night long    
AG: Damn it Dave, I didn't troll you just to sit here and listen to your dum8 human innuendos!    
TG: too bad  
TG: darling  
TG: did anyone ever tell you that your eyes were like  
TG: i dont know two fresh melons or something  
TG: not shitty melons that got dropped or anything but definitely the nice kind from the organic grocery store with a fruity italian name no one can ever pronounce  
TG: your eyes are artisanal  
TG: all eight of them    
AG: Stop it!!!!!!!!    
TG: make me  
TG: sweetcakes  
TG: fuck fuck fuck ow  
TG: stop fucking  
TG: ow  
TG: god  
TG: fucking  
TG: how  
TG: are  
TG: you  
TG: even    
AG: Stop hitting yourself Dave! Hahahahahahahaha!    
TG: this is so fucking weak  
TG: so fucking  
TG: ow  
TG: okay stop it    
AG: Are you going to 8e good, Dave?    
TG: bitch please i never stopped being good  
TG: not my fault some flighty spiderbitches cant take the munificent heat of their own personal pimpdaddy coolkid layin out the sausage barbeque for their wiener hungry arachnomaw  
TG: ow  
TG: how the fuck are you even able to do that now you huge 8itch    
AG: It’s a SEKRET :::;D    
TG: i cant believe i was ever young enough to think that was funny  
TG: past me is the biggest asshole in the universe  
TG: next time you see him  
TG: make him punch his face  
TG: a present from the future one big ol clock to the jaw courtesy of a guy who isnt a complete twerp    
AG: Alright I will totally m8ke sure to create yet another doomed timeline just for your stupid sloppy selfcest makeouts. That’s a really great use of 8oth our time!    
TG: yeah im basically the best there is at time so thats how you know this is the best plan  
TG: okay so i guess this is the part of the conversation where i pretend like i give a fuck about your creepy little junior psychopath feelings or else youll make me hit myself some more isnt it    
AG: Yes!!!!!!!!    
TG: so  
TG: you okay up there  
TG: or what    
AG: I don’t think I am. ::::(    
TG: and this is the part of the conversation in which i say oh no whatever do you mean and put my hand to my forehead all dramatically    
AG: Do I even want to know what a forehead is?    
TG: its the part of humans that we have filthy monekyfunk orgies with  
TG: im having one right now check it  
TG: ow    
AG: That was from Future You. He says stop embarrassing yourself!    
TG: tell future me to go fuck himself    
AG: I’m not your fucking auspistice, do it yourself!    
TG: do i even want to know what an auspistice is    
AG: It’s the part of trolls that doesn’t act like a panrotted wriggler every spare moment they can dredge up ooooooooh 8URN!    
TG: i reiterate  
TG: tell me your bullshit problems while i feign some ghastly counterfeit of sincerity  
TG: and then fuck off    
AG: You are the worst moirail ever. >::::(    
TG: considering you never told me what a fucking monorail is and how i ever agreed to be one with you in the first place  
TG: i dont see how this is in any way my problem  
TG: why are you even talking to me anyway  
TG: aside from the fact that several hours from now you apparently forget i dont need consolation and oughta be left alone    
AG: I killed Tavros.  
AG: Man, it feels good to tell someone that. I’ve 8een kind of hiding out for a while over here! Terezi’s really pissed off and I just don’t think I can deal with her dum8 justice games right now.    
TG: was tavros that wwizard knock-off douchebag because i think if you did that youd get a little crown and a chair to ride around in    
AG: No. Eridan is cA. Tavros was aT.  
AG: With the stupid 8rown 8lood and the 8ig giant stupid horns and the stupid rap 8attles that he was horri8le at.    
TG: oh shit wasnt he the totally useless loser troll you had that weird lady hate8oner for  
TG: along with everything i never wanted to know about your creepy lesboner with roses psycho dragon lawyer and your other other even stranger boner for fucking karkat of all fucking people which frankly i have to admit concerns me deeply because that shit is incriminating as hell in regards to your sanity and lack therof  
TG: just how many horrible boners do you have anyway do you got like eight of them all sort of protruding off your thorax like demon nipples  
TG: picking out absolutely the worst possible people in the universe to erect for    
AG: I didn’t hate him, though.  
AG: I mean I did 8ut not like that.  
AG: It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.  
AG: No one understands, not even everyone on my side who're even the same damn species as me.    
TG: welp  
TG: mazel tov i guess my little girl has become a woman  
TG: i mean isnt killing each other something you fucked up gray slaughterbugs are really fucking into for some reason all like with your dead pirate monstergrannies leaving coy little how-to murder journals for you to follow in their bloody footsteps and so now you totally have  
TG: dont this mean you and your peanutbutter nerdwich are now corpsemarriedsprites and you get to drag his jellied remains off into your hive and lay your eggs in his hollowed out chest cavity or something  
TG: name one of your little hellspawns after me okay thanks bye bye so glad we resolved all our issues like adults and you can leave me the fuck alone    
AG: That’s just the thing though! You’re kind of totally right!  
AG: I mean, leaving aside all your ridiculous coolkid o8scenities, which is 8asically 88% of everything you ever even say, we really are supposed to 8e all tot8ly hardcore and ruthless all the time with each other!  
AG: When a troll comes of age, you 8etter 8elieve it means they're going to start killing.  
AG: It's what we do as a race. We are very effective conquerors, and as such, we practically domin8 our galaxy. Or... used to.  
AG: The ones that don't learn to 8e ruthless? They're 8etter off DEAD.  
AG: And the reality is, it won't 8e long until they are. That's just life for us.  
AG: Or, it was.  
AG: We played the game and I guess everything’s changed now 8ecause of it.  
AG: We'll never actually get to come of age and enter troll society, and see if we got what it takes.  
AG: 8ut that doesn't mean we’ve stopped growing up!  
AG: I think the game knows it's always gonna 8e played 8y kids, and it always rigs it so they enter right around the cusp of sexual maturity, whatever the race is.  
AG: Which kinda makes sense, since if they succeed, they've got their whole lives ahead of them to do whatever the hell they're going to do in their universe, like start repopul8ing and whatnot.    
TG: gross    
AG: Yeah!  
AG: So the game also knows it's got to deal with all these damn kids who are coming of age while playing it!  
AG: I really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to 8e challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and veeeeeeeery different for every race.  
AG: I don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. In fact, I'm sure we were quite awful. Hell, even I wasn't that gr8 at it! I actually just kinda fell ass 8ackwards into the god tier, to 8e honest.    
TG: oh shit i would never have guessed  
TG: usually your plans are just so well thought out  
AG: I know!  
AG: 8ut what really gets me is this didn't even occur to me until just now, while I was sitting around thinking a8out it.  
AG: It was so o8vious!    
TG: what was    
AG: That was why the game split us up into two teams.  
AG: It knew as we came of age, we'd pro8a8ly start killing each other.  
AG: So it just provided the stage. Red team vs. 8lue. It was so simple! All we had to do was what we were naturally inclined to. It might have worked out 8etter.  
AG: And may8e that’s even why your game has us!    
TG: so maybe im just being kind of a hippie here but  
TG: i am really kind of missing the point where us all getting our interspecies lord of the flies on is a good thing    
AG: Yeah, you'd think that would 8e counter productive! 8ut then again, may8e not.  
AG: If us trolls really did take the team thing seriously, and started killing each other, may8e it would have meant more god tiers?  
AG: May8e all of us would have made it????????  
AG: Damn, can you imagine? We would have 8reezed through the game even faster, killed the king without a sweat. May8e claimed the reward 8efore Jack even showed up?  
AG: Or if he did, may8e we could have 8eaten him then and there instead of scurrying off like cowards!!!!!!!!  
AG: In retrospect we failed at this so spectacularly, I am amazed, and kind of ashamed.  
AG: It turned out that the only one of us with the guts to kill someone was already DEAD! Hahahahahahahaha. And 8oy, did I have it coming.    
TG: whoah why would anyone take a swing at you  
TG: youre just the best thing ever and totally not an obnoxious fanged shitparade of meddlesome horror wrapped up in a bunch of creepy fucking insect fetishes  
TG: i am completely certain you would never do something anyone would have an issue with like bugging a guy when he just wanted to be alone  
TG: talking about how much your pubescent blue ass gets off on wasting chumps while this totally hypothetical dude is sitting here facing down his own corpse issue    
AG: Dave, I think you have forgotten that this conversation is a8out me now!    
TG: yeah see all conversations are about me actually  
TG: sometimes they just forget for a while  
TG: but  
TG: if youre so fucked upedly delighted over growing up to be just like dear ol spidergranny and it turns out that this horrible game is fucked up enough that getting a bunch of kids to kill their friends is some kind of sicko metacosmic powerup bonus type gig  
TG: whyre you freaking out over killing some dumb kid who didn’t ever seem to do anything worse than suck at everything to anyone and awkwardly hit on john    
AG: 8ut that’s just it!  
AG: He just sucked!  
AG: Constantly!!!!!!!!  
AG: It was just so frustr8ing to 8e friends with him. He just would never grow up!  
AG: I used to really like him and always wanted to help him get stronger, so that he might stand a fucking chance to actually make it on our world.  
AG: 8ut he was just soooooooo weak and indecisive. He wouldn't change!  
AG: And when he tried to change, it was too little and too l8. Always l8. L8ey L8ey L88888888.  
AG: Too l8 to kiss me.    
TG: what    
AG: Too l8 to kill me.    
TG: wait what    
AG: He couldn't do it when I really needed him to! So when I saw he was actually serious a8out trying to kill me now of all times...  
AG: I just got SO AAAAAAAANGRY. I am still a 8it upset thinking a8out it.  
AG: So I killed him.  
AG: And I'm pretty sure he's dead for good now.  
AG: And I just feel really weirdly 8ad a8out it.  
AG: And the fact that I don’t feel really gr8 a8out it even with all these reasons I have to think I’ve done the right thing makes me feel even worse!    
TG: yeah im not a professional headshrinker here  
TG: 8ut humans call that weird little feeling regret  
TG: do you guys even have that word    
AG: Yeah.  
AG: I guess we don’t use it much though.    
TG: huh  
TG: well  
TG: fuck i dont know, you killed him, you get to deal with it  
TG: maybe just  
TG: dont kill anyone else  
TG: do you think you can manage that    
AG: ........  
AG: This might 8e a 8ad time to 8ring it up, and I’m not sure if it counts 8ut........  
AG: M8y8e I should apologize to you in adv8nce?  
AG: This conversation has defin8ly cleared up some th8ngs I was wondering a8out in regards to our timeline and I am thinking that may8e y8u are g8ing to 8e kind of m8d at m8 ov8r s8me of it.    
TG: for fucks sake  
TG: look is this about the dead daves  
TG: because you know they’re disposable  
TG: i mean dont just fucking go hogwild with the corpsepiles please it gets kinda old pitching them in the lava before jade freaks out on me  
TG: but if a boy and his spidertroll cant forgive a little paradox stabbing between the two of them  
TG: then who can?    
AG: So if hypoth8tically I orchestr8ed the demise of....  
AG: An Alpha D8ve?    
TG: oh goddamn it vriska  
TG: goddamn it  
TG: this is why i dont avenge my bro isnt it  
TG: because i was a dumb fuck and thought for maybe half a minute that having an alien girlfriend might be kind of cool but no i am talking to 8aby hanni8al lecter and all our little heart to hearts have just been putting the lotion on its skin    
AG: No!!!!!!!!  
AG: I’ve 8een talking to you 8ecause for some awful mysterious reason I really do like you, like, a lot! And so it’s not like I’m going to enjoy killing you either, Dave!  
AG: 8ut you keep on not facing your own death, and what if that’s the only way you make god tier?  
AG: What if it takes a true friend to go and m8ke you make it?    
TG: so i AM going to reach god tier  
TG: ha ha  
TG: you are so bad at sekrets    
AG: Yes, that is really the most important thing to take away from this conversation, Dave. Gr8 jo8.    
TG: well so awesome  
TG: heres a great way to use your stupid killer instincts isnt it  
TG: i mean gr8  
TG: we can go and level me up and then we’re home safe or home free or whatever move it is in baseball when you win at everything ever and all the chicks go mackin on your heroic mug  
TG: lets go already wheres my quest bed    
AG: So........  
AG: You’re not mad?    
TG: shit you just apologized didnt you  
TG: apology accepted lets get a move on  
TG: i got fuckers to waste    
AG: Dave, even if you do make god tier I don’t think it is going to mean what you are thinking it means.    
TG: you mean when right  
TG: WHEN i make god tier    
AG: I mean if!!!!!!!!    
TG: dont get all coy with me now vriska come on  
TG: im on fire over here  
TG: with like justice flames and shit  
TG: but like i think i really am supposed to be a hero now and rise to the occasion because there seems to be this little persistent voice in my head nagging me about it  
TG: insisting someones gotta pay  
TG: and its hard for me to disagree    
AG: Then it could mean one of two things! Or 8oth things, like it did for me :::;)  
AG: That voice in your head could 8e a mysterious gland called a conscience........  
AG: And/or an Exile!    
TG: im pretty sure i dont even have an exile  
TG: ive never heard any voices or anything  
TG: i just want to get him so bad serket i mean look at what hes done youve got the whole timeline laid out for yourself and also whoah hey check it theres my fucking bro facedown in the murderpile so like  
TG: this shit is just so completely illegal    
AG: I know, Dave. I know.    
TG: you keep saying you know serket so how do you know huh? TG i mean is this about how i reach god tier or isnt it    
AG: You mean whether you reach god tier!    
TG: yes thank you for reiterating the mystery part of our farcical wonderland chronologistics i was almost entirely sure i knew what was going on and that atrocity cannot go unpunished    
AG: Well you're welcome! 8ut you reaching god tier, or not, is a whole different issue from the Green Sun!  
AG: I mean the GREEN SUN!!!!!!!!    
TG: yeah but if if you help me bootstrap my way up to getting my glittery little herowings maybe i can be the one to throw him into the slammer    
AG: The slammer?    
TG: slammer means jail  
TG: you call it the slammer when youre extra angry at crimes    
AG: Dave, that is the dum8est thing you have said to me, ever.    
TG: yeah i love you too spiderbitch  
TG: take note of that important principle  
TG: get a spiderpen or something    
AG: Alright, alright, just hold your stupid human horses for a second!  
AG: You need to calm down, Dave, and repeat after me:  
AG: HE IS ALREADY HERE!!!!!!!! D::::<   
TG: christ  
TG: fuck okay  
TG: okay so  
TG: damn it serket  
TG: he's got to pay    
AG: Oh, I know, Dave. And I'm going to 8e extracting that de8t inch 8y inch out of his 8lack hide.  
AG: I'll dedicate a few inches just for you :::;)    
TG: filthiest thing you ever said girl    
AG: >::::O    
TG: so i guess im deputizing you even though youre just a kid too  
TG: and you have serious fucking issues  
TG: all of the fucking issues    
AG: You’re one to talk! You want me to murder you just so you can 8e a god and take on Jack, and when you do you’re just going to throw him in the slammer or angry crime jail or something?    
TG: wait  
TG: fuck  
TG: what  
TG: no    
AG: He can teleport, Dave. I know you’re really upset right now, even if you’re trying not to show it, 8ut that really just doesn’t make any sense!    
TG: i know it doesnt  
TG: im just saying  
TG: what am i even saying here  
TG: shit  
TG: are you messing with my head is it you thats doing this    
AG: No!!!!!!!!    
TG: because each mutinous agent must pay for their crimes i mean  
TG: hey here’s a thought can we go back to you exploding the ridiculously illegal edifice of  
TG: punching me in the face again  
TG: that was kind of pleasantly simple in retrospect  
TG: ow    
AG: How was that?    
TG: okay  
TG: that helped I think  
TG: farewell  
TG: ow  
TG: okay stop its gone  
TG: well that was a brief and exhilarating descent into sucking big hairy donkey balls    
AG: Yeah i didn’t like my Exile much either.    
TG: okay but so back to actually talking about important noncrazy justice things hey isnt there that little detail about jack that we should be adressing  
TG: ie that hes totally apeshit murderpants unkillable and you are apparently intending on going after him without me    
AG: Oh, now you care a8out unwinna8le fights, Dave?    
TG: babe there aint no unwinnable fights when i step into the ring  
TG: its just  
TG: he killed my bro  
TG: if he can kill my bro what makes you think you have a chance all on your own  
TG: i mean  
TG: i kind of wanted to fight him with you  
TG: not you going of and hogging all the justicemurders and maybe also hogging all the injustice painful stupid pointless should have listed to your monorail murderds  
TG: murderds is a word now  
TG: and  
TG: not one i really want applied to you  
TG: reprehensibly terrible as you are and like even though you probably deserve it a lot    
AG: Well, Dave, I'm not sure if I told you a8out just how much luck I got!    
TG: no you totally have youve told me like a octillion fucking times youve got all the shitty luck    
AG: ALLLLLLLL OF IT! >::::D    
TG: but in the grand scheme of predestination assrape weve got going on here  
TG: isnt luck just things happening the way they should happen and always actually have happened  
TG: leaving your life up to fate is just like letting yourself be fortunes dirty old smuppet isnt it  
TG: how do you know  
TG: i mean    
AG: What are you asking, Dave?    
TG: im asking if youre going to be okay  
TG: i guess  
TG: all your actual troll friends are crazy or something and hate you so youre taking on this big thing all by yourself with just some dumb human kid to give you your pep talk and i think what this is is that this is pretty much straight up a suicide run isnt it serket  
TG: one last blaze of glory  
TG: chin up old chap show em your colors pip pip cheerio  
TG: tomorrow youll be in whatever weird troll elysian field that exists for psychotic alien pirate spiders because you are going to go off all by yourself and get fucking ventilated by a puppetdog on the fleadick sized offchance you might be able to ventilate him back    
AG: Yeah    
AG: Yeah it is ::::(    
TG: well  
TG: you turn that frown upsidedown private  
TG: show them what youre made of okay  
TG: give em hell    
AG: ::::)  
AG: :::;)    
TG: ha  
TG: im just gonna get up i guess and  
TG: however this all works out  
TG: and it had better fucking work out  
TG: ill see you on the other side  
TG: spiderbitch    
AG: I’ll see you too, D8ve.  
AG: <>   
TG: i  
TG: yeah sure  
TG: <>


End file.
